Love: the most powerful drug I’ve known
Friday, Vejle station, 0645 AM. Kerbside drop off. Mid-fifties couple. He drops her off. Two-peck goodbye as she gets off the car. I think, the first one is habit. She says something before she kisses him again. I wondered what they said to each other between then first and the second. Was it, “don’t forget the laundry”? Or was it, “look forward to our date tonight. I love you. Goodbye.”
Two pecks is true love. No?
Young couple holding hands on a bustling platform. They stood out. In the middle of all mortals just getting to work or through their morning playlist or Instagram… this hand clutching short twosome (I seemed to tower over and look into them and not just at them) were twins on a journey. Together for the moment. In Dansk we would say, “det giver mening” or ‘it gives meaning’ when translated directly but actually meant to say that “makes so much sense”. The journey of life is better when shared.
I don’t often feel envy. When I do, I try to examine it. Career envy comes and goes. It’s a mirage. I know the only race is with oneself. Envy around how people look is rarer. I have always known I was smarter than good looking. Truths to know and face. Envy around love or partnership… that’s just pure shrapnel.
Sitting down to dinner with two gorgeous friends a month ago, the line that stuck in my head from the evening was about a man they both know. He was married to their best friend. they both said “she was the love of his life”. When she died, he met another lady but had to almost break off from the rest of his friends because the new lady needed to have some space in his heart. The rest of the evening was hazy. My mind zoomed into partnership. I wondered about the loves of my life.
At 20 I met this gorgeous smart woman who became my first love. Friends first, lovers later it was for the both of us our first love. Letters from mountain trips, shared travel, airport reunions, birthdays and holidays, confessions, aspirations… you can pack a lot into life if you share minds with someone. When we parted ways 27 months later, I did not realize how special mutual love is. I took for granted that it would happen to me again. We’re still in touch, reasonably infrequently. I like to believe we both know we had something special. She set a high bar.
I took me three years to process this parting but then I met another friend, colleague and lover. Looking back its shocking how alike they were. Wickedly smart, funny, tall and incredibly easy going while being specific about their likes. I enjoy people who know their mind.
Recently I was at the home of a couple friend of mine. Their jumble, baby, story and romance could be mine. How have I dogged this bullet?
I don’t know. I think I am simultaneously carefree with my heart and yet reserved. Carefree in losing it to women who might fit my type but are quite lost in their own lives. My romanticism about their positive energy and looks makes me oblivious to gaps they are struggling to fix. Gaps that mean my need for connection stops short. I am reserved because often I am lost in my own world, thoughts and plans. With poor knowledge of pop culture and a desire for connection, it takes me time warm up. And even then, I am probably geeking out on something she said.
Slow to take action I might be, but I think I am quick to spot it! Love is a drug I’ve been high on. And I smile when I spot it. Two-peck goodbye or hands on a platform.
Technology metaphors are eating language
Technology jargon is now in every industry and conversation.
Over the last four weeks, I heard the CEO of Moderna and Dame Sarah Gilbert, the chief scientist behind the Oxford Astra Zeneca vaccine talk about covid19 vaccine development. They speak of the process as platforms, in terms of reusable code, testing and rollout.
More than software eating the world, the culture and relatability to technology is eating the world. Insights from product managers sound like business strategy. Day to day language is full of technology jargon fading into it – agile, prototyping and user experience. An infiltration more powerful than software.
On fitting in well
Covid and a war has ensured much ink has been spilt on nations, trade, bilateral ties, multilateral aid and boundary lines as determined by political maps. As a private citizen, government can seem a little far away. Everywhere I’ve traveled in the last five years, I find citizens cannot necessarily relate to their governments.
What does change mean for our shared challenge of climate and inequality?
This challenge is particularly pressing for people who immigrate - Armenians, Israelis, people from the Nordics… and Indians! The world is happy to lump 1.3 billion Indians and maybe all 2 billion south Asians together. Yet, as private citizens, people of south Asian origin run medical systems, engineering, software and a lot of the world’s manual labour. In ageing economies and in young ones we also have a lot of jobs in care.
How we fit in, how we absorb cultures, how we practice ‘ahimsa’ or non-violence alongside our aspirations will be noticed. Our ability to live with diversity, our generosity to accommodate views and inform discourse is our soft power. In some ways, it is the only power we have. Adding our voice alongside others, holding up customs where we go and advocating for a harmonious world with daily actions is the nudge to the future.
The future of diversity, collective growth and generosity that is, in many ways, just around the corner.